THE KNOT

This world, so rich in its joys and sins,
Is a knot that ends where it begins.
Its purpose is to be a knot,
But ours to untie it is not.

For man has wishes and wishes to have
The joys, the sins, the world so brave.
So by the flame of his desire,
All things come ab't to fuel this fire.

Though seems it all is here to serve us,
We use but few of what deserve us,
And what we take, we merely hold as
Trifles which can make our day pass.

Of things and thoughts, the knot is tied,
By darkest human flaws abide.
Yet greatest joy and brightest light
The same darkness gives in its might.

To man, this life seems overbearing,
Death his time is never sparing.
And at the end the new beginning,
The knot of which is ever spinning.

Roulette

Choices, decisions, ways of right and wrong. This is what we made our lives dependent on. This is what we accept as guidance through our education, career, parenthood... every step we take can be revised and inspected for flaws. Did I make the right choice? What if I had said the other thing, would that be better? We have every right to be sorry for some of our actions. After all, we can't know everything in advance, can we? But making choices isn't so much about the outcome as it is about having to choose in the first place. Every choice we make has many probable outcomes and then more! Almost all of us look back on split points of our paths, thinking how different our lives would be if we took the other road. We just don't realize that any choice is as good or bad as the other, it's the choice-making that we need to see as worthy or not. As much as we deal with things we have no influence on, we need our freedom of choice so bad that we put our every "free" thought on a balance scale , give it a sign, make it bad or good. Decisions we make in life are always both mistakes and right ways at the same time. It's only after the outcome that we choose their nature! If there are in each of those decisions, excuses and escape plans we can abuse, they become just roulette games... our choices come down to mere coin-flipping, all we are left with is to concur or not. Feel good about what we did or feel the sting of the mistake. Is that truly making a difference? Is that taking charge of our life? We think so, it's the best we can do, since it has to be done after all...

Purpose

Not knowing our true purpose and goals has made us imagine them, derive them from emotional DNA of the things we've created while not having anything else to do in our lives but care solely about ourselves. Our purpose now is just a pile of redundant, obvious habits, instincts and feelings that we have made up as same as everything else that our civilization is made of. Change will happen. Only when we manage to ask the right question instead of "why are we here?". It will happen only when money, countries, words, time, lust or physics all cease to be the core of our being. All that we have made has  brought us only closer to the beginning. To the point where everything seems pointless again, as it always was. There is no great mystery to life if your whole world has no answer to the question "why?". Remember how kids like to ask that question? And how every answer leads to another "why"? There's no hidden path or religion that leads to the ultimate answer. Not in this system. We have created this world as it is, no one else, so as it turns out we did it, and are still doing it, to our own detriment. Maybe it SHOULD be this way after all? Always being troubled, unsatisfied, and with no sense of purpose? If that's the case, we have nothing to worry about... job well done!

Disjunction

 

When you think about it, every one of us has something between us and the rest of the world... personality, habits, language, money, possessions, time... be it material or ethereal. Usually, it's all of those things, like a set of interfaces that sculpts interactions between everything and everyone. Closest guess is that all of those things are man-made, so it's no wonder that they become and have became not our distinctions, but points of disjunction! This kind of living has made us admire people who have succeeded in making even one of those barriers a tool to speak to the rest of the world. Writers, painters, politicians, musicians, religious leaders have all used their distinctive interfaces to express their being and impress others. My question is, what would happen if we could somehow turn, not one but all those wonderful, unique barricades into points of cohesion instead of wasting centuries in battle with our own selves, trying to force on one another the very things that we put between us?

My two cents, or however you like to call it

        There is a special kind of situations that make you think. Often, they're stressful and affect the ego with the most terrifying weapon. Vanity. There it is, that primordial urge of us flabby gorilla's relatives. So, the situations, the vanity.


            Your brain struggles trying to forget you ever had lunch on a branch and persuades you that others are better than you. Because they have a bigger wallet. Larger apartment. Bigger "tool". Intelligence overwhelms you with questions, and ignorance gives inspiration for the fictional answers. Whatever you can't feel and live to see - you invent! And then, sore from the mistake, the ego tries to recollect and learn something, but ... our conscious mind simply can't reach all those subtle vibrations that are given to us at any time, and in all we see. It is blinded by itself and somehow entangled in that endless flow of energy between people and things. The path of least resistance. As a twig on the surface of a stream.


            There's that old saying, "The more you know, the more you know how much you don't know." Really, it seems there's something in us that we shouldn't even need to know. We've been alone with ourselves for quite a while as a race, so we got used to that something deep inside of us. We think it's normal to be this damn grafted. You know, that dining on a branch thing plus the god's presence in us, or whatever it is that occupies our tiny brains.


            I'm wrong? Okay, all this just happened to turn out this way. So backwards-written. Backwards-contemplated. It's selfish. Okay, I'm wrong. Your value system gives you a run for your money and you start to wonder if you're really "not from this world"... or is it just vanity making you bitter? How many times have you thought or uttered the phrase "man, everyone around me is completely nuts, am I the only one left normal?"? It smacks of childish perception of life without a mirror. A life with so much as none insight of our self, since we ceased to be children who simply need nursing... Enough pain in the ass. We're all "right". That much right that we can't wait to convince everyone of that. Truth lies in the majority. The way of least resistance. You're so drenched in the habit of this truth, even if it's sometimes annoying, and it was not yours, it's still larger than you and it devours the courage to escape from it. Don't stir it up. It's not going in your favor. You're no different than the others. You only see them and their flaws and vice-versa. You're dependent upon me and me upon you because we don't have the guts to deal with ourselves. With our vanities, wallets, tools. When do I get my thoughts straight if I have to spend most of my time sweating for the machinery that keeps me alive? Our goal is the same but our plans are different, so we wander around like headless flies and get in each others way, caring only about who is right! Okay, I'm wrong...



            They say smart people suffer a lot, making them troubled. Their better understanding of the world around them makes them feel more pain. I suppose those who are not smart say that. Or the ones who are? Smart. I'm not sure. I haven't met either ones, and I've met quite a lot of people :) I know that people who are not happy suffer a lot. People of all classes and beliefs, all wish to be happy, and yet all end up quite miserable. Because, you see, happiness can't be bought nor is one born with it. It is learned. It is made from beads and thread of every day life. It has remained the same since its first flicker in the human mind, free and unburdened by our cruel physics. It emerges when you water it properly and regularly, like plain gardening. I'm not talking about a simple pleasure, enjoyment and bliss after a heavy meal, sex or winning the lottery. Even the more vital things like success in career or the arrival of that eagerly anticipated newborn do not produce happiness, because it's is not a one-off thing and can't be dependent on a single flash of "lucky" circumstances. It takes time, sacrifice, and a lot of mistakes and hard times. It takes developing a broad mind, and a very short whish-list. It takes letting go of inner crutches, habits and those desires-to-be-right, and mostly, it takes strength not to let the stream carry you, and still go with the flow... tricky, right? No, not if you're doing things without always wishing for affirmation and rewards. It will not be soon when we learn how to live like that, maybe we never will... The desire to not have desires is not something we can easily grasp, and sounds paradoxical. But so does living in desperate strive for a happier life, and having almost none of that for as long as we can remember ;)

         
              Completing the circle. Happiness. It sounds like a word. Vanity. Sounds like an angry snake that hisses poison deep into your soul. They both are, in fact, food for that soul, the ego, for all the layers of our world. Only, vanity is a weakness easier to justify. The path of least resistance. Happiness takes hard work, it takes admitting a lot of weaknesses, like drily. It takes cutting the umbilical cord between the stomach and vanity as they do with a newborn. Like drily. And then the situations that force you to think no longer feed the ego with those inherited primal urges. Happiness ceases being a word, it becomes a possibility to accept the world around us as it really is. As it always was. Unsigned and unprejudiced.